Changing Lanes

Photo by Frank Zhang on Unsplash

 

I sit at the table late morning eating a bowl of cereal. I like the view. It feels good to be in the dining room. The kitchen is ready for the day having been cleaned up last night by my husband. I had wandered into it after dinner and asked for a clean towel.

“I’ve got this.” He stated clearly.

I protested, but again he insisted. I looked at the kitchen, my things everywhere and he in it taking up the space. Reluctantly I retreated to the spare bedroom which has been my space for a long time.

Looking at the kitchen now, I know I’m not able to “take over”, just yet, but I would like to slide in there. Like sliding into a lane on the highway. I’m not in that lane now but if I watch carefully and ease over soon I will be. I brought my laptop into the dining room yesterday and sat working on my website, listening to my daughters virtual classes. Today I am writing, at the dining room table again. I’m happy to be getting stronger, happy to be alive. The pain in my side is quiet for the moment, as it has been today so far. I feel the hope and anticipation growing in me. My future holds so much promise.

Photo by Anaya Katlego on Unsplash

I look at my little world. For two years I’ve been becoming weaker and more wobbly, wobbly enough to use a cane. I had to gradually let go of responsibilities around my home, only able to keep a sense of order in the main part of the house.  Piles of clutter and dirt and disorder in so many places. I look forward to putting it all back in order again and being able to create beautiful spaces. I look forward to gardening again and pulling weeds of all things. Imagine that.

Photo by Chimene Gaspar on Unsplash

But where to start? I am thinking: lists. Perhaps I should make lists of all the things which need to be done in order to bring it back to where I want it. Then I work on one item at a time. Lists may be the only way to avoid overwhelm.

Photo by Piron Guillaume on Unsplash

Today I’m thankful.  I found out that my health problems could be fixed, that I had a thymus tumor which could be removed by surgery.   Even though I do have a rare kind of cancer called thymoma, I will not have radiation at this time.  I will be monitored closely for signs that it may be regrowing, but for now I am thankful, feeling better than I have for a few years. I do still have a painful welt in my side from the surgery yet the five incisions have healed and closed nicely. All the other after surgery pains are going away and I am sleeping better. I’m thankful for doctors and nurses and all the others in the medical team. I’m thankful that I’m able to write again with two hands on the keyboard, at least for a few minutes at a time.

Photo by Johannes Andersson on Unsplash

I will try to write more about this as I get back into writing again. If you have suggestions for me on how to move into the faster lane gracefully, without crashing into anyone already in that lane, please comment and I will promise to read it and try your idea or at least give it some serious thought.

Thank you for reading.

More coming soon.

Hanna McCown Designs